The Penis Type vs. Zodiac Sign
They’re not all good or bad, but dick is dick, and this could be the next type of penis you’ll encounter based on your zodiac sign.
Aquarius — January 20 to February 18
He’s up, the emotionally unstable one. He’s pumped and ready for action. This is the type who is always bright and ready to go. He’s even slightly above average, but a couple minutes into the action, just as you’re getting into it… wait, what song is that playing in the background? We’re also soft.
His emotions and his penis are inextricably linked, so if there’s any kind of distraction or underlying emotion that can’t be overcome by his horniness, it’ll be a roller coaster ride that goes up and down every few minutes. That simply means he may require a little extra motivation to overcome the distractions.
Gemini, Aquarius, Sagittarius, and Virgo make the best sexual partners.
Pisces — February 19 to March 20
The micropenis. It turns out that this is a real thing. It’s a real ‘condition’ that prevents a man’s penis from growing larger than three inches.
I doubt you’d be able to feel it inside of you, but maybe rubbing and grinding it along your clit would do the trick? Also, I’m sure they’re fantastic at oral (to compensate for other shortcomings) and you’ll never have to worry about your gag reflex.
Scorpio, Cancer, Virgo, and Libra make the best sexual partners
Aries — March 21 to April 19
The toothpick: Doesn’t that sound painful? This dick can be amazing, or it can make you cringe every time it pokes you, or you might not even notice it’s there. It’s extremely long and skinny, with a pointed head. It’s similar to one of your vibrators, but it’s thinner and doesn’t vibrate. If he angles himself correctly, he’ll be able to ram into your g-spot; if not, he’ll be in your pussy, he’ll be in your ass… You can’t tell at this point, but he should be done soon.
Leo, Libra, Gemini, and Scorpio make the best sexual partners
Taurus — 20 April to 20 May
This is the one we’ve all heard rumors about and maybe even seen in person if you didn’t dismiss it out of hand. It’s the highway! The one that is much shorter and fatter than it is long, resembling a square shape. I mean… it could feel good?
Scorpio, Cancer, Virgo, and Capricorn make the best sexual partners
Gemini — May 21 to June 21
This is the ‘grower not a shower’ type who will be disappointed if you start feeling around before he’s ready. You expect the sex to be horrible and can’t wait for it to be over before it even starts. But don’t leave thinking there’s nothing there but a couple inches of floppy meat.
Give your man a second to warm up before going bada bing bada boom! You’ve got a nice, probably above-average, erect dick in your mouth, ass.
Aries, Gemini, Sagittarius, and Aquarius make the best sex matches
Cancer — June 22 to July 22
The average dick. This is the slightly small to average dick who drives you insane! It may not be as long as a schlong, but it’s proportional, symmetrical, and curved to the right, and he knows exactly how to work it.
The biggest isn’t always the best, and if guys believe they have less to physically show in size, they will work twice as hard to make you cum over and over again.
Taurus, Leo, Capricorn, and Pisces make the best sexual partners
Leo — July 23 to August 22
The person in the hoodie. In any other country, you wouldn’t be surprised if you jumped into bed with someone for the first time, but uncircumcised dicks are hard to come by in America (at least in my experience).
So when you come across one… it’s intriguing. You’re not used to having so much extra skin. So, what are you going to do with it? Do you fiddle with it, or do you push it down? You might not even be able to tell if he’s well endowed and hard at first, at least not until he softens and the turtle shrinks back into his shell.
On the plus side, they’re not as strange as they appear, and they’re far more sensitive than a circumcised penis… So, you know, that’s entertaining.
Scorpio, Aries, Sagittarius, and Leo make the best sexual partners
Virgo — August 23 to September 22
The one with the battery pack. This is by far the more predictable option. It exudes perfection. Color, size, shape, texture, and vibration speeds are all customizable.
Yes, you guessed correctly. It’s a vibrating device. You can have it any way, any time, and at any speed you want without being surprised when a guy whips out his dick. You pull this bad boy out and it will do whatever and however you want.
Taurus, Libra, Pisces, and Capricorn make the best sexual partners
Libra — September 23 to October 22
The leaning tower of penis. Not everyone has had the opportunity to see this type of penis in person.
It can either be super amazing and hit that g-spot just right with its little ‘come hither’ curve at the tip, or it can’t quite lean and you have to mount sideways. In either case, it will always result in an interesting sexual experience.
Aries, Gemini, Leo, and Sagittarius make the best sexual partners
Scorpio — October 23 to November 21
The Schlong. This one looks exactly like it sounds. It’s terrifyingly large in length, width, and girth… but it appears to feel absolutely amazing inside of you.
It hurt to put a tampon in for the first time, so who knows how this will work, but babies come out of there, right? As a result, it’s probably worth a shot. You’ll know he’s too big when you can see him through your stomach while he’s pounding into you and some of it hasn’t quite made it in.
Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, and Pisces make the best sexual partners
Sagittarius — November 22 to December 21
The hunky jungle junk. He’s sexy, scruffy, and toned, and you can’t wait to see what’s hidden beneath those jeans. He has a perfect looking penis, as it turns out. Perfect length, not too skinny or thick…
The only problem is that you can’t get it out of the matted jungle of pubes that is holding it hostage. At the very least, you won’t have to floss tonight…
Leo, Aries, Gemini, and Aquarius make the best sexual partners
Capricorn — December 22 to January 19
We have a love/hate relationship with the super sensitive one. He’s basically cumming in his pants before you’ve even gotten out of yours, which means you have to wait for him to rev himself up again on a regular basis.
On the other hand, every time you mess around, he makes you feel like you have crazy good skills because he’s done before you’ve even pulled out your best moves. He’ll eventually figure out how to last longer if he practices, practices, and practices.
Cancer, Taurus, Capricorn, Virgo, and Scorpio make the best sexual partners
So, what is your astrological sign? Please leave positive feedback and remember to follow so you don’t miss out on our latest stories. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
